


Do You Want Me (Dead?)

by twoplayerqame



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, M/M, Trans Michael Mell, Trans Rich Goranski
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-12-19 22:39:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11907660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoplayerqame/pseuds/twoplayerqame
Summary: When you see your best friend go from full body cast to your full on roommate for the next two years, something changes. And he changes...





	1. Close Your Eyes and Feel the Crash

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic on here and first fic for bmc so welcome! i hope you enjoy?? yes the title is an all time low song i stan them thanks

"Fire! There's a fire!" The noise was drowning, so many different voices shouting different things. So many bodies running to the door, so many frantically trying to find a friend. Jake was one of those people, scurrying about his house in an attempt to find Rich, or anyone who would have a clue about him. And then, suddenly, a voice raised up above the others, a venomous, regardless shout. "Rich set the fire! Rich tried to kill us all! Rich is crazy!" After that, Jake tuned out. He couldn't take anymore, couldn't bear to hear someone call his best friend crazy one more time. Jake knew how Rich could get wrapped up in his own head so often, but he wasn't crazy. He was Jake's best friend, and at the moment he was alone, and Jake wasn't having one bit of it.

His feet went thundering up the stairs, where the heat and smoke were prominently thicker. The boy crouched down, army crawling across the floor. "Rich!" Jake yelled out, looking up for any sign of his friend. He continued crawling now, the smoke thickening by the second. There was a cracked door ahead that caught Jake's attention. It was his last hope at finding his friend, even if the fire billowing from that room seemed like the gates of hell opening themselves. Jake didn't care, the only thought in his head right now was to save his best friend, even if it meant he couldn't save himself.

The door grew closer, and as Jake pushed it open a figure appeared before him. "Rich?" The brown haired boy called, pushing up to his hands and knees now. The heat was immense and he could barely see an inch through the smoke, but Jake was certain he could make out someone crouched in the corner. "Rich, is that you buddy? We gotta," a sudden coughing fit interrupted his thought," we gotta get out of here."

Rich sat, shaking against the burning wall of the room. He could feel the heat, feel the smoke invade his short, panicked breaths, but no matter how loud his mind screamed for him to move he couldn't. All that was coursing through his head was how it was finally over, how he can finally be done with the voice in his head. He was almost surprised to find his squip silent at the moment, but possibly it had just overheated. Or did it really not care about him, was it truly a machine that worked for its own evil agenda to infect the minds of the young and would rather die than be proven wrong? The latter seemed more probable to Rich at the moment. "Rich, we have to go!" And with that he flinched and quickly assessed the situation around him. There was a hand on his arm, tugging at his weight, and Jake's concerned eyes looking into his own. 

"Leave me behind. I just want it to be over, Jake. I didn't mean for this to happen, but I had to." Rich spoke monotonously, feeling more lightheaded and dissociated with every word.

Jake shook his head, "We can talk about it later. Right now, we need to get out." And almost as if it were waiting for its cue, a large flame engulfed the door completely. And a split second later, Jake felt Rich's weight teeter under his touch, only to notice the shorter boy unconscious before him. "Shit, no no no. Okay, you can do this. Its gonna be okay." Jake crouched next to his friend and heaved him into his arms before making a bold run to the window across the room. His legs brushed against the white-hot flames of what used to be bedding, and he let out a loud cry of profanity. But there was no time to stop now, he had to get Rich out. Jake looked down at Rich in his arms, noticing large burns and blisters all up his body. Just how long had been sitting there in the fire?

Jake reached the windowsill after what seemed like forever, letting out another deep string of coughs. He was also getting faint from the smokey air, but just one jump and him and Rich were safe.. Just one jump onto the shed and he could get down from there. "Okay, Jake, you can do this. Just jump." He looked down at the shed below him and then at the fire burning behind him, and decided he'd rather take the chance to break every bone in his body than to be swallowed up by the flames. He took a breath the best he could, hiked his feet up on the windowsill, and felt himself begin to fall. His feet collided with the shed shortly but the extra weight of Rich's body caused him to continue falling with not much a stop in between the window and the ground. The smooth surface of the shed slipped from under him and was quickly replaced with the grass below. Jake felt a prominent snap shoot through his lower body, followed by burning pain in his legs. His screams echoed through the air, sharp and cacophonous as his mind caught up with the pain. But Rich was safe, and that was all that mattered, even if his own body had to be beaten up to do it. "Help! Someone call an ambulance, Rich is hurt!" Jake screamed again, this time hearing voices and footsteps traveling his way. "Cmon buddy, wake up, wake up Rich, please." Jake reached out to his best friend's face, running his fingers over the few smooth patches of skin.

"Jake? What happened? Jenna is on the phone with the police right now." Jeremy's voice rang through the tense air. Jake attempted to sit up, only to be met with shooting pain again. "Hey, hey, its okay. Talk to me from where you are."

"Rich, he... his whole body is burnt so bad...I tried to help him but he was telling me to leave him behind, Jeremy. I don't know what he meant, he passed out and I thought I could jump onto the shed but I fell, but he's okay. As long as Rich is alright." Jake babbled frantically with Jenna reporting back as he spoke. "I think my legs are broken, it hurts so bad. But please, just help him."

Jeremy crouched down, "Its alright, help is on the way. Rich is gonna be fine, okay? Everyone will be fine, Jake." The next thing Jake could remember was getting hauled into the back of an ambulance before passing out from the pain.

\--

"So yeah, that's how the story goes. End scene." Jake spat out, twiddling his fingers against the white bed sheets. His eyes stayed locked on the stained chair across his small hospital room. Just overnight and he was free to go back... back where? His house was burnt to a crisp and his parents were M.I.A. Besides, staying in the hospital meant he was that much closer to Rich.

"Let me guess, parents out of town for the weekend, thought it was a good idea to live it up with your friends, huh?" The officer sitting bedside carelessly scoffed as he looked up to attempt to make eye contact with Jake.

He rolled his eyes, "If you're being optimistic, sure." His eyes flicked over to the other man now, who cocked his head as if to request further explanation. "My parents aren't just gone for the weekend." Jake continued, "They're gonna be gone six months, minimum. And before, I wouldn't have ratted them out like this. But now? What do I have to lose anymore? My house is gone and my best friend almost died. Who gives a damn about my shit parents, right?" The officer watched intently, perhaps even showing just a morsel of genuine care. Jake, on the other hand, his eyes were empty and distant. All his parents were anymore were occasional deposits of illegal money and a school tuition. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'll figure something out, right?" The boy said with a sarcastic laugh, but there was an uncertainty to his tone. For once in his life he felt like he didn't exactly have the answer.

"Thank you for your time, Jake. We'll discuss your living situation later, for now just get some rest." The officer stood to leave, nodding lightly towards Jake.

"Wait!"The boy called out abruptly, then cleared his throat in an attempt to even the tone. "How is Rich? How are _all_ the Goranski's doing?" He nervously began carding at the sheets again, not that he had ever really stopped. 

"Rich is fine, but he was asleep when we went to talk to him. I'm going to talk to his parents right now, I'll send them your way afterwards, okay?" The officer smiled, and Jake felt his defensive nature drop a bit, and a small grin may have peeked onto his face as well.

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you." Jake nodded. He didn't have it in him to tell the officer that he could fall asleep on the spot, or that the pain in his legs was coming back and he'd rather fall asleep before it could catch up completely. He could sleep after talking with Rich's family, after making sure Rich was alright. That was his main priority. But then his mind flicked to Jeremy, and Chloe, and everyone else. He hadn't heard that anyone else was in the hospital, but he still worried about them. How were they holding up? How was school? Jake wondered if people were worried about him, if people missed him. What people were saying about him, about Rich. Jake's thoughts somehow always came back to Rich.

There was a sudden yet soft knock at the door, followed by a voice of the same nature. "Hey, Jake. How are you, kiddo?" Mrs. Goranski always called Jake 'kiddo'; it made him feel so at home, like he was her third son. He practically was with how much time he spent with their family. Jake had even been to a couple Goranski holidays with them, so it was official. He wondered if anyone ever assumed that him and Rich were- nah, he shook the thought off quickly.

"Jakey D? How's it hangin', kid?" Speaking of third son, here came the first. Robin Goranski was a sophomore in college, so he wasn't home often, but him and Jake had grown close over the few times he was home. Rich always said it made it happy Robin liked Jake, and anything that made Rich happy made Jake happy. Robin walked over for a high five, but switched to a fist bump at the last second, grinning widely at the trick he often played on his little brother. 'Don't turkey me, you idiot.' Rich would always huff as Robin continued his snickers.

"Its been..." Jake searched his mind for the words, "It's been going. How are all of you?" He aimed more towards where Mrs. Goranski sat quietly.

She nodded back into the conversation, "Oh, goodness. It's really tough, but we're pulling through. I'm just so glad Robby flew home when he heard." Her words drifted off as she half expected Robin to interject about the nickname, but continued when he remained silent. "Jake, thank you so much for what you did. You're such a brave kid, you know that? Always have been. Rich is safe because of you." Mr. Goranski nodded along as his wife spoke. Jake sighed calmly heading those words, that Rich was safe. That's all he needed. "Now, Jakey..." She reached out to grab his hand. "The officer told us about your parents, is that true, honey?"

Jake felt his chest tighten and his eyes flicked to Robin for some sort of help, who looked back with same concerned look his mother wore. "Yeah, it's been like that forever. It's only a problem now because I don't have anywhere to go back to."Jake chuckled, then sighed. "Please don't feel bad because you never knew. I'm alright, really." But it was a blatant lie, even Jake wouldn't deny that

Robin glanced towards his mother, then began to speak their shared thought himself. "Mom, uh, already began making plans for you to stay with us. We're all really glad to help, whatever you need, man. I, we, just wanna make sure you're okay." 

Jake ran a hand through his caramel hair, and smiled weakly. "Thank you so much, really, but I don't want to be a burden to you. You already have a lot on your shoulders with Rich."

"It would be so much harder knowing that Richy's best friend wasn't safe, and you know he'd be fighting to the death for you to stay with us if he was in here right now. Robin can back me up on that one." Mr. Goranski spoke up, the first time since he walked in, looking towards his son swiftly.

Robin nodded, "Dad's right. Rich would throw a tantrum to have you stay over, even tell me to sleep in my car so you could have my bed. And I'm speaking from experience with that one." At that, everyone laughed, letting it disperse and dilute the tense air. "So don't worry, you're never a burden to our family. You're practically like my second brother, man." Robin rubbed the back of his neck nervously, confirming the thought Jake had had earlier with his last sentence.

Jake smiled, then smiled even wider a moment later after losing the ability to bite it back. "Thank you guys so much. Seriously, if you ever change your mind, I understand. Don't stress yourself out trying to take care of me, just make sure Rich is good. Rich comes first, okay?"

Robin laughed, "There's that typical Jakey D, always putting Rich first. You two are so _weird_ sometimes." He shook his head, but Jake could've swore he saw a glint of something hidden on Robin's face. Like he knew something Jake didn't.

Mrs. Goranski cleared her throat and stood, "Well, we'll let you get some rest. You look tired, sweetie." Her words dripped out like warm honey as she ruffled Jake's hair softly. He smiled, he loved how safe he felt around the Goranski's, like they were his real family. Not that he really knew what a real family felt like, but if he could guess it'd probably be like this.

"Yeah," Jake yawned out, "let Rich know that I'm not mad at him, because I know that's the first thing he's gonna say when he wakes up." Jake shot a snarky look towards Robin, who shook his head with stifled laughter as he did a few moments before. "And telly Speedy he's a good boy. Can't wait to see that little monster." Jake added as if it would make Robin stop making _that_ face. Jake closed his eyes and got as comfortable as he could in a scratchy hospital bed. He wondered if Rich was sleeping well right now because, well, it always came back to Rich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are appreciated!  
> Questions? Additional Comments? Hate me for making you suffer? [Talk to me on Tumblr](https://twoplayerqame.tumblr.com/)


	2. Wanna Get High and Smash?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not to clog up the notes but id just like to say that im open to answering any questions about this fic or myself (within limits of course) on my tumblr, which will always be linked in end notes. id also be very very happy to answer respectful questions relating to trans stuff about rich or michael bc i am trans myself and love to pass on some knowledge! ok ill stop being desperate for people to talk to me

Jake stared out of the passenger window of Robin's pickup truck, watching as raindrops rolled and eventually melded together, only to fall off the car moments later. Music was playing quietly; some indie song Jake didn't recognize but enjoyed regardless. It was all so cinematic, silent driving in the rain, it nearly felt fake. Part of Jake wondered if it was, if he was going to wake up at home and have it all be a dream. But then the memory of Rich's weight in his arms, the initial pain of the snap in his legs, _all_ the memories came back and he knew just how real it was. And it hurt, inside and out, to know that life wasn't just another movie with a happy end.

Jake ran a hand through his hair, "So... Your dad..." Jake's words lingered in the car, nearly not registering in Robin's head. Jake fidgeted, getting anxious that maybe there was a reason they were all playing nice in the hospital. Maybe there was a reason that Robin and Mr. Goranski were even in the same room together for more than five seconds without a ‘fuck you’ being exchanged. "I... sorry." Jesus, now he sounded like Jeremy with the way he was stammering for words.

"It's weird to see him sober, right?” Robin laughed, anger hinting under his breath. “That fucking douchebag. Sorry, I shouldn't lay this on you. I just wish he’d act like a goddamned father or get the fuck out of our lives. My poor mom, she believes all the lies he says about being better. But it’s the same shit every time, he plays pretend for a while, but soon enough he’s just drunk off his ass again. It’s hilarious that he thinks he’s ever gonna be anything equivalent to a father.” Robin pulled into their driveway, the car humming to a stop as he parked. "Thanks for coming with. It's nice to have someone else to complain to besides my crazy mom and demonic little brother." Robin chuckled as he went to pop the trunk. There were still a few boxes of clothes and things that hadn't yet made their way to the house, and although Jake couldn't physically help, Robin appreciated the company.

Jake struck a jokingly hurt look, calling out to Robin from the passenger seat. "'Demonic' is a bit overkill. I'd say he really just puts the fun in 'fun sized'." Robin laughed, deep and sincere, and it made Jake smile. He could never make short jokes around Rich, the boy was practically brought to tears. Jake knew how dysphoric Rich got about his height and his voice and well, a lot of things. So he played it safe, even if he did think it was hilariously adorable to see the Goranski brothers standing next to each other. Jake was a strong 5’11” and Robin towered at 6’4”, while Rich just barely pushed 5'5". The boy smiled as his thoughts drifted into scenes of Rich being just a _bit_ too short to reach something in a store, or a _bit_ too short to dunk on Jake when they played basketball in his driveway. He thought about this one time Rich had to lift Jake up in the middle of the grocery store so he could get a two-liter neither of them could reach off of the top shelf and how some old lady had thought they were-

"If you're done daydreaming about my brother, I have your crutches." Robin said with a sly look as he watched Jake's already flustered face turn an even darker shade of red.

"I, I wasn't... shut up, Robin." Jake stuttered as he tried to think about anything but _that_. Because sometimes _those_ thoughts liked to creep in his head and he had to remind himself that Robin was just dicking around and it didn't actually mean anything. Robin threw his hands up defensively, then reached out to help Jake balance himself on the crutches. "Let's just get inside before the rain gets heavy again." Jake said, still pouty and embarrassed. Robin heaved the box he had set on the ground into his arms, cringing as he realized the bottom had gotten soggy.

Robin set the box down again, pulling out his key ring and flipping through to the correct one. Jake noticed a GSA key chain hanging as Robin pushed the door open and he smiled warmly. As much as Robin made it seem like he hated his little brother, he was truly protective of Rich and really supported him. With the way their father acted, Robin almost had to take the job upon himself. Jake wondered if Rich even knew that Robin went to GSA meetings for him, then chuckled at the thought. Robin Goranski, Mr. Buff Heterosexual Film Nerd, going to GSA meetings solely for Rich. But when worse came to worst, Robin was fighting to the death for the people he cared about, no matter the consequences. In that way, him and Jake were similar.

Jake hobbled over to the couch, flopping his weight down before shifting around as much as he could. He dug his phone out of his pocket, checking it for the first time in-jeez it’s been days, hasn't it? He had multiple texts and Twitter mentions from various friends, and even people he didn't know. He decided to check the texts first, sliding open a message from Jeremy. It was something along the generic lines of 'get well soon!', and although Jake knew Jeremy probably meant it from the bottom of his heart, it didn't bring the comfort Jake was hoping for. There were a couple other messages, Chloe, Brooke, even some kid he had done a math project with, but he didn't bother to open them. He shot Jeremy a message back; 'doing good homeslice! don’t forget to work on carl.' Jake could only hope Jeremy wouldn’t abandon their engineering project, Carl The Robot, while he was away. Jake sighed, tucking his phone back into his front pocket. He just wanted a text from Rich right now, to know he was alright.

There was a sudden pat-pat-pat as Speedy came trotting over, immediately barking at Jake as he hopped around excitedly. His whole body shook as he wagged his tail, his feet skidding around on the wood floor. "Speedster! Hey buddy!" Jake exclaimed, reaching down to pet the dog's head. Speedy yipped again, backing up slightly before launching his weight forward onto Jake. "Oh, jeez, hey Speedy. Okay, okay, stop it." Jake laughed as Speedy licked at his face, continuing his excited dance on top of the boy's chest now. 

Robin set another box next to the stairs, proceeding to walk over to Jake's position. "I see Speedy's already found his new favorite spot. Haven't you, buddy?" Robin scratched the dogs head, Speedy happily panting in response. "Well, that's really all the stuff I have. You wanna get high and play Smash?”

Jake hummed in thought, “Probably shouldn’t, but definitely. I’m gonna kick your ass, though.” He started to push himself up, reaching for his crutches but falling short. Speedy hopped off at the sudden unsteadiness of his ‘pillow’, landing attentively at Robin’s heels. “On second thought, I can’t exactly get up.” Robin dove in almost immediately as if his Strong Guy Goranski instincts had kicked in, latching his arms under Jake to pick him up off the couch. “Woah, uh, okay.” Jake awkwardly stumbled out, Robin already heading towards the stairs to the basement.

“Sorry, uh,” Robin cleared his throat as he set Jake down on yet another couch, “I just can’t pass on an opportunity to show off my giant fucking muscles.” He faked a douche frat boy voice, flexing his arms dramatically. Jake did have to admit that Robin’s muscles were definitely impressive, if not bordering attractive. Jake could also admit that Robin was a good-looking guy all around, no doubt about it, but he was also twenty and a _guy_ , not to mention he’s Rich’s brother. Yeah, totally out of the question. Robin danced from foot to foot excitedly, “I’ll be back, just uh, wait here. Yeah.” Jake nodded, not really having any other option than to sit on the couch and count dust bunnies until Robin returned. He went to pull his phone out of his pocket, his notifications coming up empty. The boy stared at his lock screen, a picture of Rich and him wearing matching sweaters last Christmas, before throwing the device aside, watching as it bounced to the floor in defeat. He couldn’t even bear to think that that sweater was gone, everything burned to a crisp.

There was a thundering of footsteps coming down the stairs followed by Robin just barely making it to the couch without falling over and crashing to the floor. “Alright, let’s Smash.” Robin stated obliviously, not to mention with the confidence of someone who did not fear death. Man, the things Jake would do to hear those words out of the younger Goranski’s mouth, in the right context, of course. Jesus, he did need a smoke right now; part of him even hoped Robin would get too focused on Smash and let Jake smoke most of the bowl. Because what better way is there to repress your feelings than to sit in your crush’s basement and get high with his brother?

A remote was handed to Jake as Robin pulled a beanbag up to the edge of the couch and sat in it, leaning back as he started up the game. The characters were auto-locked almost immediately, with Robin as Pokémon Trainer and Jake as Link, of course. Rich always picked Pikachu or Kirby and would kick your ass if you argued any character was better than those two. In that case, Jake would bring up his secret weapon, Princess Peach. ‘Dude, she’s out here kicking ass in a ballgown and heels. I don’t see _you_ putting that much effort into both style and battle, so you’re done.’ Jake would argue, with Rich scoffing and angrily button mashing beside him. ‘Next time this comes up, I’m putting on the finest ballgown I can get and were gonna wrestle. Just to prove I’m just as committed to fashion as I am to kicking your ass.’ Fortunately, the topic hasn’t risen since this event, because both of them were sure they couldn’t suppress the homosexual tension if they were to wrestle.

“Press start, dude. Or are you too busy daydreaming about my brother again.” Robin mocked in a sing-song voice, switching to a genuine tone when he saw how agitated his comment made Jake. “Sorry, I’ll knock it off.” There’s a furious click of buttons as Robin is flung violently off screen, his one and only life vanishing; Jake and Robin always played elimination style, while Rich preferred setting it to at least three lives. Robin shifts to look at Jake, cringing at how angrily focused he is as he battles the remaining computer players. “Look, I don’t care if you have feelings for Rich, I’m not weirded out because he’s my baby brother or anything like that. But its pretty damn obvious you care about him at least slightly more than a normal best friend, and you can’t keep that shoved down forever. So, I’ll leave you alone about it, but you have things to work out for yourself.”

“Can you shut the fuck up, please?” Jake huffed as he got kicked off the edge of the map by Wario, cutting the game short as neither of them truly wanted to watch the CPU duke it out. “So I care about my best friend, because he nearly _died in my arms_ and now he’s in the hospital for God knows how long. That’s doesn’t make me gay, it makes me a decent fucking person.”

Robin shrugged, reaching for the pipe and lighter beside him. He held the pipe to the flame, taking a deep inhale and letting the smoke leak out in a hazy cloud before passing it to Jake. “Don’t let yourself get so hung up on gay or straight, dude. You wanna hear a stupid story?” Jake nodded, humming a garbled ‘sure’ due to the pipe pressed to his lips. “Senior year of high school, I had a secret boyfriend. No, I’m not gonna tell you his name. But me and this guy went out for a while, like months, dude. It was serious. Really cool guy, just amazing; we were super into each other. But eventually I broke it off because I was so in my head that I shouldn’t be this into a guy. Ruined an amazing relationship just because it was with a dude.”

“That’s- that’s actually kind of sad, Robin.” Jake coughed, “Or it would be, if you weren’t totally bullshitting me. I don’t believe for a second that you ever went out with a guy.”

“Why? Just because I’m with women now doesn’t mean I never tried dating a guy. Plus, if ‘the one’ ended up being a guy, I don’t think I’d let that hold me back from being happy.” Robin shot back sassily.

Jake smirked, “I’ll only believe you if you tell me the guy’s name and exactly how many months you went out.” He had somehow gotten deeply invested in Robin’s backstory in the matter of minutes, craving answers and facts to fill in the parts where the story got blurry. His mind flicked to Jenna for a second; this was exactly the kind of drama Jake would receive secondhand from her. He smiled briefly, wondering how she and the rest of his friends were.

Robin rolled his eyes, “Fine, it was Matthew Kropp, and we dated for four months. He’s a Virgo, his favorite ice cream flavor was butter pecan, and he was fantastic in bed. If you ask me who topped I’ll rip your nuts off.” Jake raised his eyebrows, giving a satisfied yet pressing look to the older. Robin rolled his eyes again, shaking his head, “Alright, since we’re bros… he topped. Do you believe me now?”

Jake laughed, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes. “I almost wish I didn’t. Oh, Rich is gonna get a kick out of this.” He reached for his phone in his pocket, only to see it sadly lying on the floor out of the corner of his eye. Looks like the drama would have to wait. “Did Dustin know, or should I enlighten him as well?” 

“Eh, Dustin probably figured it out. I stayed over at the Kropp’s house a lot. The poor boy heard things no fifteen-year-old should hear from their brother.” Robin shook his head. It made him happy to see Jake focusing on something else besides whether Rich was alright or not, even if it was at his dispense. The poor boy needed to get out of his own head and, quite frankly, out of the high school popularity contest occasionally, and Robin was just the person to help with that. He sighed wistfully, “Yknow, I still think about him sometimes. Mathew, I mean. I don’t think I ever really got over what we had, y’know? But it’s too late to fix things now.” Robin chuckled, but even Jake could recognize the discomfort, pain even, beneath his words. “He probably just thinks I’m some asshole who faked it to fuck with his head. And I mean, wasn’t I?”

“Robin, come on, you just gushed to me about how great he was in your _four-month_ relationship. Sure, you might have been afraid of your feelings, but that doesn’t make them fake.” Jake spoke sincerely as Robin began to stand from where he was on the floor. Jake held the pipe to his mouth again, flicking the lighter till a flame appeared and taking a long drag. He let the smoke sit in the back of his throat for a second before letting it out, coughing a few times. It stung a bit despite Jake’s avid practice of holding the smoke in, but he liked the way it felt. It kind of made him forget the fact that Robin’s story had struck something in him, something telling him that maybe it was time to stop repressing his feelings for Rich, that maybe it was okay to like a guy. It was okay to like people and it didn’t have to mean anything big; it didn’t mean Jake was gay if he liked Rich but he didn’t necessarily have to be straight just because he’s liked girls before. He smiled, a new wave of confidence and relief coming over him.

Robin returned from putting the remotes and beanbag in their respectful homes, staring amusedly as Jake smiled into the distance like a completely starstruck middle school girl. “You alright there, buddy?”

Jake shook his head as if to wash the thoughts away, his cheeks going a soft rose color, something that was rather out of character for a guy like him. “Sorry, I was just busy daydreaming about your brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are appreciated!
> 
> Questions? Additional Comments? Want Rich Goranski to wrestle you in his finest ballgown? [Take it to my Tumblr](https://twoplayerqame.tumblr.com/)


	3. Everyone Loves Robin Goranski

“Agh, fuck. Fuckin’ shit.” Jeremy groaned, attempting to reach up and rub at his head. He was stopped by the scratchy feeling of a medical band on his arm, and a shudder raced down his spine. Jeremy had always feared the hospital. He once broke his arm in fourth grade and cried harder about getting the cast than he did when the bone snapped. 

“Morning, sunshine.” Rich chuckled as he pulled back the curtain between them slightly. His lisp was thick and unapologetic over the s, but it seemed to fly directly over Jeremy’s head. The boy looked around, noticing the absence of a certain red-hoodied boy. “Huh, guess Michael actually went to get food for once. He kept saying that if he left your side something would happen. He should be back soon though, then you guys can kiss and canoodle all you want.”

Jeremy shook his head, “W-what? Michael came to visit me? Wait, how long have I been out? What time is it now?” Jeremy’s speech quickened as anxiety filled his head. The boy was just genuinely surprised Michael wanted anything to do with him anymore.

“I don’t know…” Rich squinted across the room to the clock, and then the calendar, “I don’t have my contacts in.” Jeremy let out a significant _snrk_ before slapping a hand over his mouth quickly. He knew that Rich physically couldn’t beat him up right now, but the fear remained. When he saw Rich laughing too, Jeremy let himself go, giggling fully now. “Told you I’m a total nerd without my SQUIP. The ladies are really gonna get to love the real Richard Goranski.” Rich’s eyes widened, and he grinned. “And the dudes. Oh my god, I’m totally bi.” It felt nice to say that without an electric shock running down his spine.

Jeremy’s eyes widened as he leaned over the edge of the bed. Jeremy shook his head, “Wait, your SQUIP is gone? How?”

“Through one wicked headache and a hell of a lot of screaming.” Rich laughed, but then saw the concerned look on Jeremy’s face. “Turns out you only have to shut down one to shut them all down. Or so Michael read online. You’re lucky your boyfriend is a genius.”

Jeremy’s face grew hot, “We’re not together.” He said dismissively, but heard a familiar voice mimic his own. “Michael!” Jeremy cried out, a splitting smile stretching across his face.

Michael set his 7/11 bag on Jeremy’s bedside table before pulling a chair up in between the two boys. “See, Rich, I told you something would happen when I was gone. Jere, how’re you feelin’, dude?” Jeremy simply shrugged in response, allowing Michael to grab out a bag of chips and crack them open. A signature red smoothie was placed in his hand. Jeremy looked on longingly, hoping that Michael would be nice enough to at least sneak him one chip. Michael shook his head, “Sorry, bro, no chips. I’m not being held accountable if anything else happens to you.”

“Oh yeah, totally not gay. Just super close bros.” Rich smiled overdramatically, bursting into laughter at Michael’s frustration. Jeremy laughed along quietly, feeling awkward and out of place. Usually the only words Rich said to Michael were “fuck off, loser” and things of the like. He reached for his phone beside him, opening a new message to Michael.

To: P1 Mell  
when did rich stop wanting to rip your head off?

From: P1 Mell  
just around the time you almost destroyed our whole student body. you jealous heere?

To: P1 Mell  
definitely not  
its just weird to see you guys talk

From: P1 Mell  
aw jerry is jealous

Jeremy shot Michael an angry look, but it wasn’t enough to convince the other that he wasn’t jealous. For once in twelve years, Michael’s attention wasn’t solely glued to Jeremy, and maybe it did tick a little piece of the boy inside. But he just missed his best friend, nothing more than that. 

“Well, Jeremy, you were technically clear to go as soon as you woke up, but it doesn’t hurt to stay and chat, right? Rich, your brother is somewhere with Jake, I’ll try to find him. I think he gave me his number…” Michael went to reach for his phone again when Rich called out abruptly.

“N-no. That’s fine. I can talk to them later.” Rich smiled weakly. His heart was pounding solely at the thought of speaking to Jake. He knew Jake had broken his legs trying to get Rich out of the fire, but he wasn’t sure if Jake had gotten squipped at the play. In all honesty, he was too scared to ask. Knowing that anything else happened to his best friend on his fault would be devastating.

“Look, Rich,” Michael leaned against his bed, “You have to talk to Jake eventually. I swear to you he’s not angry, he’s just as worried about you as you are about him. By that I mean he literally won’t shut up about you, so please just talk to him to save me from having to listen to that anymore.” Rich rolled his eyes, sighing dramatically at Michael’s comment. “Apparently, he has something to give you. At least let him do that?”

“Fine. I guess it would be nice to see my brother some more.” Rich agreed, but internally he would rather do anything than relive those memories. He was so scared to see Jake, had had so many nightmares since the fire about what would happen when they finally spoke again, _if_ they ever spoke again. Robin had told him that Jake lived with them now, that they had moved a bed into the downstairs office so he didn’t have to go up so many stairs on crutches. A part of Rich couldn’t wait for Jake to get better so they could share a bed together, just like old times. Another part of Rich wasn’t sure if he could handle lying next to Jake now that the SQUIP wasn’t keeping his feelings in check.

“What was that? Did Rich actually admit he wants to be around me? Looks like your friends knocked some sense into you.” Robin said, leaning up against the doorframe. Michael smiled almost instinctively, looking away nervously as he remembered he was in a room full of people. He’d have to refrain from being a big homosexual, unlike every other time he saw Robin Goranski. Freshman Michael would sweat when that boy walked by in the hall. 

“Shut up, Robin. You’re the one who came to my door, asshat.” Rich shot back, but there was a grin peeking through on his face. 

“Lucky for you, I’m not staying long.” Robin rolled his eyes. “I’m only here to drop off Jake, then I have to help Mom move shit. She misses you, yknow. We all do.” Robin motioned to the rest of the people in the room. “Okay, I gotta jet. Take this sad puppy.” Robin turned to push Jake into the room, then gave a quick peace sign and even a wink for Michael. He took great amusement in the fact that all of Rich’s friends practically drooled over him.

Rich shot his brother a look of desperation, but it was too late. He felt his stomach tighten as he watched Jake struggle to wheel himself over to the space between the two beds. He finally clicked the brakes on his chair, settling into the uncomfortable silence of the hospital room. Rich looked away, trying once again to focus on the calendar he was certain he couldn’t read without his glasses, to just look at anything but Jake. Finally, Jeremy’s voice cut through, “H-how’re you, dude?”

Jake shrugged, “Better than I could be. You’re still in bed? Jesus, you really are a scrawny fuck.” 

“I can go home tonight, right Michael?” Jeremy said softly, looking up at his friend. “What time is it, anyways?” 

“Just about 6 o’clock. Saturday.” Jake answered as he grabbed his phone from his front pocket. There was an awkward silence again as Michael eyed Rich and then flicked back to Jake, who seemed to be deliberately ignoring the shorter. “How much longer are you in that cast? I need to know how much time I have to practice for a basketball rematch.”

Rich’s head snapped to face Jake, his mouth opening as he thought of a response. “I think they said till the end of November, but that’s just for this cast. Apparently, I’m gonna have a back brace and some other stuff, which means a wheelchair and then crutches. Maybe we’ll be crutch twins if my body hurries the fuck up on repairing itself.” Jake simply nodded along, running a shaky hand through his hair at Rich’s words. He had been informed earlier by his doctor of the small possibility he wouldn’t walk again due to the stress put on his legs when the SQUIP made him walk without crutches. So far, Jake had been doing a fine job pretending nothing was real and at any given moment he would wake up safe and cozy in his bed.

“I, uh…” Jake reached for the backpack on the back of his chair, swinging it to the side and opening it, “I brought you something. If you feel lonely and we can’t be here, you can always have this with you to remind you of friends.” He pulled out a teddy bear holding a ‘Get Well Soon!’ sign, trying to ignore the feelings swirling around in his head. Michael and Jeremy simultaneously _aww_ ed, earning an upset look from Jake. “Can it, Mell.”

Michael cocked his head, “You know my name? You know I even exist?”

“We’ve went to school together for three years. Just because you’re a loser doesn’t mean I don’t know who you are, Michael.” Jake rolled his eyes at Michael, who was stilled stunned that Jake Dillinger had even acknowledged his existence in a friendly way. The boy cleared his throat and continued to address Rich, “If you don’t like it, that’s okay. It’s cheesy anyways.”

Rich’s eyes widened, “No, its great! Really, I love it.” He smiled, trying to calm the blush that was taking over his face. Jake stretched to place the bear beside Rich in bed, straightening it out the best he could from his position. 

Jeremy elbowed Michael roughly as an attempt to stop his snickering. Michael turned, still shaking with held up laughter, “Ow, you bitch! Don’t think I won’t kick your ass just because you’re in a hospital bed.” Jeremy stuck up a finger at his best friend, raising his eyebrow in protest to Michael’s words. “Shut up, you twig. You know I’d win.”

Jake cleared his throat again, louder and more dramatic this time. “Are you two done? Because it’s almost seven and I think you can leave now. I wanna talk to Rich.” Michael and Jeremy stared back blankly, as if frozen. “ _Alone_ , you dipshits.” Jake sassily shot back.

“Oh! Oh, sorry, we’re going. C’mon Michael.” Jeremy’s eyes grew wide as he began to push himself out of bed again, nearly tripping over himself and crashing out of bed. Michael was quick to catch him, Jeremy letting out a sheepish laugh as he was pushed back to his feet.

Michael did a quick wave, “Jer and I’ll wait in the car. Just shoot me a text when you’re done.” Rich wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, cackling as Michael flipped him off.  
“I’m sorry.” Rich blurted out, then realized the abruptness of his words. “I-I mean… I just miss you a lot dude. I thought you hated me, or thought I was crazy.” Jake just stared down at his hands silently. “Please, say something. Anything.”

Jake looked up, “Sorry, I’ve been thinking about what I would say right now, but now that the moment is here... I’m so happy to see that you’re okay, and that you don’t hate me. I was a total dick for not visiting sooner, I was just…” Jake sighed, “I had a lot of shit to figure out. But I think I’m okay now, and there’s something really important I need to tell you.” Jake took a deep breath. Now or never, right? “Rich…”

Michael came swinging back through the door, “Sorry to interrupt, but we have to go. The guy at Spencer’s has _another_ case of Mountain Dew Red.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this ends in an awkward spot, it wouldve dragged on forever if i didnt cut it off. also sorry for slow updates, my life is hella busy currently so im trying to fit writing in to my schedule
> 
> Questions? Additional Comments? Do you just love Robin Goranski? [Take it to Tumblr](https://twoplayerqame.tumblr.com/)


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